he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
