yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
