a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
