I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
