I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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