I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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