Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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