Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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