Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
