I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
