Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
