I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
