A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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