so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
