I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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