Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
