U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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