Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
