i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
