my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
