what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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