May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
