Your face is a jimmy john
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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