Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
