oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
