I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
