Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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