could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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