The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
