You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
