my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
