There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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