our cab driver is having phone sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
