But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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