you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
