hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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