Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
