Slut skills are useful in every country.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
