yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
