At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
