you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
