I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
