i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
