All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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