idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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