Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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