My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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