I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
