Dual....:-)
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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