Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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