She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
